Chasing God Until He Caught Me: Chapter Seven - Disillusioned
The Compelling Story of God's Relentless Pursuit To Rescue One Lost Soul
Significant things were taking place that I could not quite comprehend. In hindsight, I could only attribute it to the wooing or drawing of God.
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him … - John 6:44
But, I had no clue at the time.
Disillusionment and disappointment began to weigh heavily on me.
After settling in Eugene, I enrolled in the local community college. Of course, being in the town that it was, the college offered a lot of what I would call New Age-oriented courses.
The whole culture was centered around the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment.
As time went on, though, I began to understand that the quest for truth was all important. Actually finding the truth was looked upon in an almost heretical way.
The thinking was, that since we are “evolving” and “progressing” spiritual beings, we can never actually arrive at some final state of enlightenment. So, to say that we had done so would be deemed the height of arrogance.
And so it was, that most of the people I knew continued in this state of fluctuation, flitting like butterflies from one thing to another, always in constant pursuit of some sort of spiritual nectar.
I never could settle for this. I knew there was “The Truth” somewhere out there and I aimed to find it. My disillusionment became more acute as I wrestled with the fact that no one actually wanted to find the truth.
One thing I found out rather quickly was that it was common practice to use mind-altering drugs to try and induce a more “spiritually receptive” state of mind.
While I did use marijuana, which I equated with alcohol in its effect (I was wrong on this account also), I always considered it foolish to do anything that could permanently alter or destroy my brain.
Another source of disillusionment was the political and economic philosophy that accompanied this environment of “spiritual equality” (the notion that all sincere seekers are the same).
Steady-state economics was extremely popular. The basic principle was that it “equalized” the economic strata, teaching “from each according to their ability, to each according to their need”
Sound familiar?
Yes, it's good old fashion Communism with another name. At the time though, I didn't really put 2 and 2 together and was fascinated by this teaching.
It sounded so Utopian.
At that time there was a presidential candidate by the name of Barry Commoner who espoused the Steady-state economic philosophy. He was very persuasive and influential in the Eugene community.
He made this philosophy sound so good and exciting. Steady-state Economics would right all the wrongs of “capitalism” and make everyone equal in every way.
No one, including me for a while, ever stopped to analyze the fact that this was impossible. There simply cannot be different levels of input into the economy and expect equal outcomes. But, most young minds don’t think about such things.
The closest we can get is to make equal opportunity available to all. We have no control over what individuals do with the opportunities they are presented with, economically, spiritually, or otherwise.
It is impossible for everyone to have the same intellect or creative abilities, the same physical abilities, the same genetic structures, the same drive and ambition, and desires.
All these factors impact how we respond to opportunities or whether we even want to respond at all.
So, like a dumb sheep, I voted for Barry Commoner.
Soon after the elections, I was introduced, almost by accident to one of the early direct marketing business models based entirely on the free enterprise system of economics.
It was diametrically opposed to Steady-state economics. The basic premise was that we do well economically by creating and offering opportunities to others to do well.
Then teach them how to duplicate the process, thereby lifting everyone up vs. leveling the playing field by bringing everyone down to the lowest level of need.
I remember overhearing a couple of guys talking about the election during a break in a company seminar. One of the guys said, “I can't believe how many people actually voted for that communist, Barry Commoner”.
That was when it hit me what I had done and how deceptive the “Steady-State” philosophy really was.
What an incredible eye-opener. Though no one around me knew I had actually voted for him, I felt ashamed and exposed. It was almost like my whole life was broadcast to the world. I literally slinked off as fast as I could.
I did not join that business, but I did learn a great deal about the principles of economic freedom as well as spiritual freedom. There seemed to be more than a few people who claimed to be “born again” Christians involved.
They were not shy about living out their faith, which intrigued me.
During this time, I also became disillusioned with the Evolutionary Philosophy of Origins.
Instead of pursuing career-oriented courses in college, I began with a series of classes that enhanced my artistic skills: art, ceramics, writing, music, etc.
While none of these made an immediate impact on being employable, they were very satisfying and also gave me a sense of what abilities I possessed.
Writing was by far my favorite focus.
One of the benefits of being located in an area of the country which was filled with geological wonders was that the college offered many courses which included field trips.
So I decided that first Summer to sign up for a Geology course which was actually a week-long hike along the Pacific Crest Trail in the Three Sisters Wilderness area of the Cascades.
We hiked during the day, stopping to view various geological formations such as old lava flows, different types of rock formations, and glacial morasses.
We even climbed to the top of an extinct volcano named the South Sister, which was one of the Three Sisters peaks.
At night we would sit around the campfire and talk about these things while completing our daily assignments.
Then, as we would roll out our sleeping bags for the night, I would lay gazing up into the heavens in complete awe.
Being so far away from any sort of artificial light and at such a high elevation, I was amazed at how “crowded” the sky was.
Stars, planets, and satellites were so numerous that they seemed to blot out the darkness. They appeared so close it seemed I could almost pluck them right out of the sky.
During that week, a very profound realization dawned on me. There really was a Creator.
Granted, I had learned this way back when I was a kid in Sunday School. But this was different. This was real. Just looking at this vast expanse from such a vantage point was amazing.
At the same time, however, Evolution continued to dominate every facet of education and life. It was simply presented as scientific fact.
We did not question it.
But, as I observed the fantastic macro and microcosm of what I was seeing both on the Earth we walked upon and in the heavens that I gazed upon each night, I instinctively knew that there had to be someone or something which was behind all this.
It could not have “just happened”. Random, haphazard events could not have produced what I was seeing.
Much later, I would read books such as DARWINS BLACK BOX, The Biochemical Challenge to Evolution by Michael Behe which explained the theory of “Irreducible Complexity” of interacting basic living systems at the molecular level.
In a nutshell, Irreducible Complexity meant that nothing can operate independently of one another. This alone reinforced my belief that evolution, at least in that sense, was not possible.
The interesting thing about the author is that he is not a professing Christian. He is a biochemist and Intelligent Design advocate who has the courage to be vocal about what he observed.
Tiny Spiritual cracks were opening.
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Thank-you again.
Great post, Cork. Thank you for sharing your spiritual journey here!