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The next day, A.J. found a short note from Noble instructing A.J to find and read Isaiah 43:2-3 in The Book:
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior . . .
A.J. read these words carefully.
Flooding and fire were representative of disastrous and destructive events. They bring about untold misery and death.
And this one who calls himself God and the LORD now referred to himself as Savior.
He specifically calls out these occasions and promises His presence to those who go through them, real or imagined, externally or internally.
A.J.’s train of thought brought him back to Fear.
Fear is certainly a real monster. Ironically, it is almost entirely mental, but it can wreak emotional and physical havoc in the lives of those who are controlled by it.
This had been his own experience.
So, what was it he truly feared? Was it just the fear of failure or was there something else?
He had failed so many times now, that maybe he just didn't want to try again. Why go through another defeat?
Besides, he believed the monster, that the next time would be his last. He would not be spared another chance.
That thought terrified him.
But, another nagging thought sat in his mind's quiet shadows. An idea so ridiculous that, at first, he refused to give credence to it.
However, as he continued to read that the LORD (he still wasn’t exactly sure who “the LORD” was) would be with him and see him through, this thought reared its presence again.
It was simply this: The fear he was facing was actually the fear of Success, not Failure.
A.J. was full of questions for which he had no answers. He could handle defeat. His old life was there waiting for him if he failed. But, what would he do if he did make it past the monster? How would his life change?
It terrified him to think of breaking through the barrier of fear and not knowing what he would do on the other side.
The monster seemed to know this. So, maybe he played on A. J.’s fear of failure so much that it would never occur to him that he actually feared success.
He was perplexed. He sensed that the monster would also know that he had figured this out and changed his tactics to play on this new fear.
But he knew others had to have broken the fear of success and made it through. What had they done differently?
A.J. thought of Noble.
While he didn't seem the type to let fear stop him, he did, at least, know about the monster. He had accurately described A.J'.s encounter.
Yet, Noble had been to Beautiful City and returned. He must have the answers. Curiously, Noble had not enlightened him about this new fear. It was like he was guiding A.J. to figure it out for himself.
He had to talk to Noble. How could he find him?
Then he remembered Noble's sort of cryptic remark that he would “never be far away”.
He reiterated that in the letter he had left.
A.J. had noticed in the register that Noble frequented the Archive Room as much as he did. Just never at the same time.
He remembered that Noble had told him to leave anything meant for him with the reference desk. This puzzled him as well. Why not just leave it on the table in the archive room? He knew no one would touch it.
He needed help understanding how to proceed. So, he quickly wrote out his request.
After placing it in the envelope and addressing it to Noble, he left the Archive Room for the day, dropping the note off with the lady at the reference desk.
She just looked at him with that skeptical stare.
Will this new revelation stop A.J. from pursuing his quest to reach the kingdom of Transformatia? Why was he so fearful of success and how had he not recognized this before?
As the story unfolds, A.J. begins to find support from the most unlikely sources.